I’ve mentioned that I’m in the beginning stages of a new BDSM relationship, but I haven’t gone into much detail. I’d like to change that. I have been talking to a woman I call Miss. Ivy, for months. We (her, her sir, and I) met up recently and got along great! She is a middle and has a Sir/Daddy Dom, but is dominant with me. More recently we had our first ever, in person scene (you could probably say scenes) and it was amazing.

I had specific instructions to make sure my lady parts, legs, and armpits were shaved smooth (all of this was negotiated beforehand). I was also told to honk when I arrived at our location. I drove to the house where I was to meet Miss. Ivy and Her Sir, Mr. Caspian. I did as I was told and honked when I arrived. We all hugged and exchanged nice-to-see-you-again greetings. Miss. Ivy was in her robe and looked so pretty. We all sat down on the couch and talked over my limits, safe words, and interests as a refresher for all of us. Then Miss. Ivy took me into the “little room” which is exactly what it sounds like. It was a room with pretty blue walls, pink princess decor, and BDSM toys galore! The bed had cute girly sheets and blankets, and was covered in precisely laid out toys. I was so excited. I saw a magic wand, dildos, restraints, soft and hard paddles, various impact toys, and more. I also brought a few of my own toys; a purple, silicone, strapless strap on that is missing it’s bullet, a blue butterfly vibrator, and a purple vibrator that curves to a point.

Miss. Ivy asked me to undress and I did. I felt more comfortable than I thought I would, showing her one of my most vulnerable sides. I gave a little “ta dah” pose. Miss. Ivy asked me to lay on the bed and I did. We cuddled and talked for a little while. We kissed and got warmed up and play began.

Miss. Ivy rubbed her hands all over me on me and on my princess parts. From this point on I don’t remember exactly how things went, but I’ll do my best. She used a little purple vibrator on me for a few minutes, reminding me not to cum, and then she used the blue butterfly one I brought. She played with me for a few minutes and then put the vibrator inside of me and made me put my legs together. She then told me I wasn’t allowed to move or cum, and she left the room. She had mentioned earlier that she may leave the room to pleasure her sir or ask him questions (she’s new at being dominant). I then heard Miss. Ivy and her sir talking, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I imagined Miss. Ivy must have been pleasuring Mr. Caspian, but I found out later they were just chatting. I had to try to ignore the thought of what might be happening to keep from getting more turned on. I wanted to be a good girl and not cum, to please Miss. Ivy. A handful of minutes later she returned and I had not cum. I felt so good when I heard her say “good girl!” I always long to hear those words. The next thing she did was bring out a big, red, penis shaped vibrator with a clear squishy outside. It almost didn’t fit in me, but Miss. Ivy made it work. It felt so good, but it got too intense for me pretty fast. The pain from the girth and the pressure on my bladder just got too be too much. I used my “pause” safeword “yellow”, explained what was up, and we took a break. It was nice to have that respect.

When I returned Miss. Ivy played with me a lot. My favorite part was being restrained while Miss. Ivy used the magic wand on me. I’d never experienced one of those before and I had always wanted to. Wow did she do a good job with that one! She allowed me to cum and wow, just wow. After we did all that we cuddled for a while and chatted with Mr. Caspian for a few minutes. I also might have enjoyed watching them make out for a moment…

Miss. Ivy and I went back into the little room where I was eventually instructed to bend over the bed. I got spankings with various things and was very proud of how many I was able to take. I told Miss. Ivy that I would let Mr. Caspian see her work (my red butt) and he got to watch a little too. After that some wonderful aftercare commenced and I felt great. I got some salve rubbed on my booty, water to drink, I got cuddles, and kisses, what more could a girl need?! The experience was amazing and was truly a first for me. Miss. Ivy and I now consider each other Top and Bottom… for now 😉

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I hope you all enjoy my adventures!

(I grabbed this from one of my writings on FetLife. Enjoy!)

In the last six months or so I have been on an extreme educational journey in BDSM/Kink. I knew getting out there and meeting people was the best way to learn but, I wasn’t available to attend any events at the time so I was desperate for the closest thing to classes I could find. Through that search I have found so many resources on YouTube that have opened my eyes to so many things. I wanted to share them with as many people as I can so we can all learn more together!

Here are the channels I recommend:

Evie Lupine- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHExB-d5s0zBcbsaHEUy91Q

Evie is a sub, specifically a puppy. She has BDSM 101 videos on almost any kink you can think of! She’s super sweet and knows her stuff. She’s at the top of my list for a reason! 🙂

Brittany Simon- https://www.youtube.com/user/Brittanysofficial

Brittany is an amazing, powerful, queer, middle eastern, feminist submissive who really goes in depth on issues in the bdsm and kink world. She talks about some beginner things as well as social justice issues, sex positivity, and much more! She also really knows what she’s talking about.

Morgan Thorne BDSM- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwx8uy7nxohWLwnaPocLsyg

Morgan is a badass pro domme who does great videos on the more dominant side of things. She does tutorials on different kinds of play and gets into lots of different issues regarding the community.

Milkwebs- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYjhUR9Co4Kw1_Svmih-UEw

Milkwebs AKA Lo AKA Hailey is the sweetest little I have ever seen! She talks about ddlg and many other bdsm issues. She is also a sex worker and is a great face for that community! Check her out for littlespace videos, educational content, and cute artsy poetic videos.

WattsTheSafeword- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCokRyLsHxh-NykvT4uA6n2g

Pup Amp and Mr. Kristofer talk about lots of BDSM things, but they delve a bit more into the lgbtq+ side of things. They are also one of the only channels with reputable kinky men so they’re great for the men in the community! They are a great channel for any beginners in kink because they talk about pretty much anything and everything kinky!

I hope you guys get as much enjoyment and education out of these channels as I have!

My dominant side is truly still very new, but in recent months I’ve discovered some of what I desire from someone’s submission to me and why. I know there is a lot more for me to uncover about this side of myself and I am excited to find it! For the moment, I’ll talk about what I know now and when I get to be more experienced and educated on this side of things I will make an updated post.

What do I want in a submissive?

I honestly would love to have multiple submissives with different roles. One thing I want in at least one submissive, is the ability and willingness to let me have control (all negotiated and consensual with avoidance of accidental abuse or harm in mind). I often feel that I could really improve someone’s life if they would just let me tell them what to do, but obviously that’s not how most people want to live their lives. I also could never satisfy that need in a relationship with someone who wants that independence because that would be abusive and horrible, but if someone out there wants to give up control and let me tell them what to do, I will do it. I would always have their best interest in mind and would make choices for them that would benefit them. I love control and if I can consensually and healthily have that with someone I would feel awesome. When my choices result in good things for my sub I could feel so rewarded. I would be happy to take on that responsibility one day. Some ideas I have for this type of relationship are the submissive giving me a written request to go anywhere with friends and things like that, she lets me control her spending and saving, or even her food intake. Of course if at any time the sub wanted a break they could just say the safe word, let me know, and I’d let them go do their thing. I guess I feel kind of guilty for wanting these things sometimes? I know that’s common, but I’d love some validation 😂. I know it’s because I’m a control freak and I like helping people. It’s a strong mixture of the two.

Another type of submissive I’d like in my life is someone with a service side. This one I think almost everyone can understand. Who wouldn’t want someone to cook them dinner, massage their feet, or go out and run errands for them? All while the submissive probably is enjoying at least some aspect of it! That just sounds like fun and a nice stress reliever! Sometimes I’m too anxious to leave the house, but if I had a sub who ran errands for me, I could send them out and still get my errands done! That’s another way that BDSM could help me function!

The next kind of submissive I’m interested in having are the kind that want you to “use them” sexually. I want to have a sub who will pleasure me whenever I want (again consent, negotiation, and safety are key here). This is another one of those “who wouldn’t want that”. I would still care for her and make sure she knows she’s not an object to me.

Having all of these traits in one or more submissive would also be pretty awesome!

Having a pet could be fun and having a little would be interesting. If you read my last post you know that as a submissive I am a little. That means that I know how much responsibility comes with having a little. I know I couldn’t handle the type of responsibility that comes with having a little right now, but maybe one day I could.

When it comes to dominant skills I’d like to learn, I’m super interested in Rope Bondage. You guys may see some pictures related to that here soon! 🙂

If there’s anything specific you want to know about me or want me to write about here, let me know!

As I stated in my previous post, I’m not the kind of switch that can be both dominant and submissive with the same person. I am either dominant or submissive depending on the person, and I stay that way with them specifically. Casual play partners could be the exception here, but even then I’d prefer to stay in the same headspace with the same person.

When I am in a submissive headspace, I am a submissive. I don’t feel like a switch when I’m submitting. I feel like, and am, a full blown sub for that moment in time. I feel like I could call myself an “eclectic sub” because I feel my submissive personality falls into several categories.

My main submissive role is Little Girl. I am definitely a little. Cg/l is how I found BDSM. I don’t believe in calling it age regression, because that is a medical term and not a kink term. I like age play. My “Little Age” can be between 0-6 years old, but It’s usually between 2 and 4. Little space relieves a lot of my anxiety, which is a huge feat. In little space I like to be cuddly, needy, cute, adorable, playful, silly, and occasionally a little bratty. Also in little space, I like to make slime, wear diapers, play with toys, suck on my pacifier, drink from my sippy cup or bottle, and just be loved on. I am a “sexual little” and call people mommy or daddy during sex sometimes.

I also feel that I have parts and pieces of a service sub, Pet, slave, and rope bunny within my submission. I don’t want my kinky life to be all rainbows and butterflies (not to say that all cg/l relationships are soft and cuddly). I want black leather, make me cry, let-me-suffer-for-you submission too.

Why am I submissive?

I have a really hard time doing things for myself. I’ll treat myself no problem, but when it comes to taking care of myself and my life business, I just suck at it. One time a counselor recommended making rules for myself and making a punishment or reward for it. He also suggested having a friend hold me accountable for following through with my rules. I succeeded with flying colors. Once I figured out about rules in d/s relationships I realized I could incorporate the same technique from my counselor in my relationships. This plus many other structural aspects of BDSM make my life so much more functional. Not having to make choices for a period of time relieves my anxiety and allows me, a control freak from Hell, to let go.

Submission is awesome! Stay tuned to hear about my dominant side! 😊

Hi there! If you’re reading this, thanks! I hope you enjoy what my blog becomes! I don’t put my real name on my BDSM/Kink related social media, but my scene name is Ray! I am a female BDSM switch. I’m not the kind of switch that can be both dominant and submissive with the same partner. I prefer being completely submissive to certain partners and completely dominant with other partners. That being said I am just now entering my first BDSM-centric relationship. I’ve done kinky things in the bedroom for years. I even did non-sexual and sexual role play in these mostly vanilla relationships, but I never had an official Dominant or submissive. About six months to a year ago I found some really awesome BDSM educators and kinky people on YouTube. From them I learned that there was a whole kinky BDSM-centered community out there. I learned that there were conventions, dinners, and parties where you can consensually go all out in bdsm gear and even be a rope-bound centerpiece for a table of people dressed in suits and ties. This world where you can touch anything (as one of the YouTubers Brittany Simon says) drew me in and here I am. I’m in the beginning stages of my first BDSM-Centered relationship, and I couldn’t be more excited about it!

On this blog you will see journal entries, rants, pictures, links, and so much more all about BDSM, Kink, and my place within it all.

I will be writing more posts about who I am both as a submissive and as a dominant, as well as posts about my new relationship and much, much more.

In the meantime if you’d like to explore the YouTube channels that helped me so much, I will link them below:

Evie Lupine- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHExB-d5s0zBcbsaHEUy91Q

Brittany Simon- https://www.youtube.com/user/Brittanysofficial

WattsTheSafeword- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCokRyLsHxh-NykvT4uA6n2g

Morgan Thorne BDSM- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwx8uy7nxohWLwnaPocLsyg

Milkwebs- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYjhUR9Co4Kw1_Svmih-UEw

Enjoy! 😊

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton